Brianna Leuzzi- Revision Questions

Brianna Leuzzi
English 1101
Revision Questions
Prof. Young


1. After I receive comments back from my teacher I begin to make changes whenever I get free time. Sometimes this can be later in the day, sometimes the next day, and even a few days later. I need free time to look over everything and correct it and this takes a while so I have to pick a time where I have multiple hours.

2. My most revised essay was the Sibonia vs. Pie essay. At first, I did not separate my paragraphs for each separate point. Instead, I combined the paragraphs based on characters, not different ideas. I made a major correction by creating additional paragraphs for different ideas and adding more details to make it complete. For example in the first draft I used Darg as an example but didn't explain who he was. Thus, in my second draft I included, " Darg is this big muscular ,an who takes care of punishing the slaves when they do something wrong." I also added more details and made sentences more clear throughout the essay.

3. When I begin to make revisions to my essay I pay most attention to the comments left by my teacher. I think these are most important because it shows what she wants from my essay and what I am missing/ need to fix. After I address all the comments I try to add more detail and try to fix some unclear sentences.

4. Revision for content and revision for grammar/ spelling has changed. I know that revision for content means finding the main point of each paragraph, making sure there are transitions, an example, quotes, explanation, and a closing th0ought for each paragraph all while remaining clear and to the point. On the contrary, revision for grammar and spelling is reading each sentence carefully and writing every mark and mistake that needs to be changed. We learned to use symbols to represent specific grammatical errors like fragments, comma splices, run-ons, etc.

5. Once I receive feedback, I re- read what it says and depending on that I will revise or rewrite my essay. I think the feedback sets the tone for my essay. If it has a lot of negative comments I will completely write a new essay but keep my same ideas. However, if the comments are minimal and are easy to change, I will keep the same essay and revise it.

6. As  I revise I get frustrated the most when I thought I was very clear about a topic and I get comments back saying to clarify this. I sit there and don't know how to make it any more clear or change something to make the reader understand more because in my mind it was fine.

7. When I revise, it becomes much easier when I have a lot of comments back from my teacher. This lets me know what I'm doing wrong and where I need improvement. It also lets me know what the teacher likes within my paragraph. This helps me get a good idea of how to fix my essay and helps me create my next step in the revision process.

Brianna Leuzzi- Rutgers Ban Essay

What's Jersey Sayin': Party Ban at Rutgers University. Dir. NJ.com. Perf. Janelle Griffith. Youtube.com. NJ.com, 07 Apr. 2015. Web. 21 Apr. 2015

 

Brianna Leuzzi

English 1101

Professor Young

Essay: 3

The effect of opinions

Figure 1. Binge Drinking. Binge Drinking.
Digital image. Pixgood.com.
Google.com, n.d. Web. 21 Apr. 2015.  

            “About four out of five college students drink alcohol. About half of college students who drink, also consume alcohol through binge drinking” (NIAAA). College students who drink excessively create problems for themselves and others. A recent increase in drinking problems at Rutgers University led to a campus wide ban on all fraternity and sorority parties. These sorority and fraternity parties, where heavy alcohol consumption is present, include many students of the University that attend. Specifically, these students, both Greek life members and not, are the ones directly affected by the Rutgers Ban. Therefore, how are students reacting to the  Rutgers Ban and how do the students think the problem should be solved?

            Overall, some students believe the ban is an extreme action taken by the University. These same students think that the ban is pointless. For example, student sophomore Shourie Jonna explains, “The ban is unnecessary and it is not a solution to the problems of the parties that get out of hand. It’s kind of an ineffective tactic to do it anyway” (Jonna). He believes that the Rutgers Ban is not doing anyone good or solving any of the concerning issues. In other words, it’s a waste of time. Thus, His feelings toward this ban are negative due to the unresolved conflicts. Instead, he suggests the University should take an alternate approach. His solution is as follows, “I feel like it’s putting a Band- Aid on a gushing wound. The school instead should hold more educational programs on the dangers of binge drinking” (Jonna). Shourie believes that binge drinking is the main problem and should be addressed. Instead of the school taking away drinking privileges for everyone, Rutgers should educate the students on proper consumption to prevent incidents from happening. Overall, there is a negative reaction to the Rutgers ban and a belief that a better solution can solve the ongoing drinking problem.

Figure 2. Thumbs Down. Thumbs Down.
 Digital image. Clipartbest.com. Google.com,
 n.d.Web. 21 Apr. 2015.                         

            Additionally, more students agree that the choice of Rutgers University to ban all parties was a poor decision. Rutgers cannot prevent wild parties and drinking related problems in the future by issuing a ban. For instance, a 21 year old junior, Magda Purchla, argues, “I’m not sure if a temporary ban would be effective in stopping out- of- control parties. The issue could easily arise again next year” (Purchla). Rutgers University is not thinking of long term solutions to the problem, its only concern is fixing the problem right now. Rather, the University should look at the big picture. A ban is no solution to the underlying problem; it’s like trying to fix a car but not knowing what is wrong with it. How can the car be fixed without addressing the problem of the car first? The same goes for the ban, the school is trying to solve party problems without addressing the underlying problem, drinking. Purchla agrees that Rutgers should find a different approach to the problem. She states, “It might be helpful to educate Greek organizations about preventing serious incidents and helping students act more responsibly at parties” (Purchla). Magda initiates an active plan for students to follow in order to take preventative measures in the future. All in all, another negative reaction and a better solution is provided for the Rutgers Ban problem.

            Although, some students believe that the ban is beneficial and can improve fraternity and sorority problems. Some students consider the ban a great way to improve authority throughout the University. For example, junior Phinehas Lezuabah explains, “The ban is a great way for students to take serious the liabilities issues that parties can create” (Lezuabah). He is saying that the ban will make the hosts of the party more aware of the consequences they might face when throwing these parties. Therefore, people such as Lezuabah believe the ban is beneficial to the University. A solution can be reached with the ban because more people are aware of the consequences. Phinehas agrees when he states, “Recent alcohol-related incidents were preventable, but people just didn’t pay attention” (Lezuabah). In this case, because light was shed on the problem, more people are going to pay attention and try to avoid the issues from occurring again. Therefore, the ban will solve the problem because students will want to prevent another ban from happening again.

Figure 3. No Parties Allowed. Ban on Parties.
Digital image. Playbuzz.com. Google.com, n.d.
Web. 21 Apr. 2015.

        Also, without the ban, alcohol related problems could have spiraled out of control during the rest of the year. Many of the students understand that the ban is due to an increase in alcohol related problems over the semester. Student Nina Reyes agrees by saying, “I can understand why they would put a ban. The ban is necessary to prevent future incidents” (Reyes). She, along with others, understand that in order to fix the problem, everyone has to stop having parties. Concluding that the ban is an overall provides a good choice and provides a good solution. Even though it may be inconvenient for some students the general affect will benefit everyone. Reyes approves by saying, “The semester is almost over; if a temporary ban can save the system, it might be worth it” (Reyes). Even though the ban is not everyone’s ideal plan for celebrating the end of the semester, its necessary to prevent problems from happening in the future.

            All in all, the reactions to the Rutgers Ban are mixed between believing it is beneficial and a waste of time. Solutions across the board also differ as students feel differently about the situation. So, is the Rutgers ban really effective for everyone? The underlying of binge drinking needs to be addressed. All college students should be aware of what they are drinking and how much they are drinking to keep himself or herself safe. Saftey during these years are becoming a huge issue because many students don’t realize how intoxicated they are.

 

Works Cited

College Drinking." College Drinking. National Institute of Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, n.d.

            Web. 16 Apr. 2015.

South, Todd, and Mary Diduch. "Rutgers Bans Fraternity, Sorority Parties through End of

            Semester." NorthJersey.com. North Jersey, 06 Apr. 2015. Web. 16 Apr. 2015.

Thank You Carlton West Jr.

Brianna Leuzzi
Fairleigh Dickinson University
285 Madison Avenue
Madison, NJ 07940

April 21, 2015

Carlton West Jr.
2437 Kennon Avenue
Norfolk, VA 23513

Dear Mr. West,

       Thank you for taking the time out of your day to come speak to my English class. I know you traveled a fairly long distance just to talk with us for a few minutes. I found the way you spoke so interesting because your voice and emotions alone grabbed everyone's attention. Usually, when guest speakers come in or if I have to listen to someone make a speech, I become bored and stop listening within the first few minutes. However, you were different. I thought the way you portrayed your message and used your voice to accentuate the story was fascinating. I know that it kept me interested the entire time without becoming bored. Also, I thought your speech was creative, you used different examples and words that made it flow very well. You are a great public speaker and should be proud of that because many people struggle to have the talent that you have. Overall, I enjoyed your speech and am grateful I got to hear it. Thank you again for your time and effort, it was very much appreciated.

                                                                     Sincerely,
                                               
                                           Brianna Leuzzi

Sibonia Vs. Pie

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Brianna Leuzzi

February 12th, 2015

Professor Young

Essay 1: Freedom

 

 

Slavery Doesn’t Necessarily Mean No Freedom

If a person is owned by another person and has to follow his or her orders, is he or she free? Freedom is the ability to be who one wants to be, think what one wants, and does what one wishes to do. A slave can still have freedom if they are free-spirited; someone who is not weighed down by life’s troubles, is themselves regardless of the situation, and is not restricted by other people’s opinions. However, in order to obtain freedom, one must let themselves be free which is another term for being free-spirited. In the novel The Good Lord Bird by James McBride, two slaves Sibonia and Pie are slaves but in completely different ways. Pie has more freedom with her master but is not more free. On the other hand, Sibonia has less opportunities than Pie but has more freedom because she is free-spirited. For instance, Sibonia is crazy but she embraces this feature to her advantage and is not ashamed of who she is. This enables her to say what she wants and do what she wants without caring what anyone thinks of her. Meanwhile, Pie cannot say what she wants without getting in trouble, she is forced into doing things she doesn’t want to do, and has to pretend to be someone she does not desire to be. Therefore, Sibonia is the slave that has the most freedom.

Among the slaves Sibonia is considered crazy, but she uses this for advantages in many ways. Instead of hiding who she is, she uses it in a brilliant way. She is able to say what is on her mind regardless of the situation because she has something to blame her words on; her craziness. Every time she says something she shouldn’t, her sister will cover her by saying, “Don’t mind her. She’s feebleminded” (McBride 161). Therefore, Sibonia can say whatever she wants and get away with it because people think she is crazy and does not know any better. Thus, part of having freedom is being able to speak his or her mind, and Sibonia has the capability to obtain this part of freedom. Hence, Sibonia is freer because she is able to speak her mind without any punishments.

In contrast, Pie cannot speak her mind because she has much more consequences. If Pie were to say what she wanted she could be kicked out of the whore house or beaten. For example, her master would say something like, “I’ll have Darg come up here” (McBride 149). Darg is this big muscular man that takes care of punishing the slaves when they do something wrong. She is afraid to say much because she doesn’t want to lose her position with Miss Abby and does not want to be beaten by Darg. Ultimately, Pie cannot say what is on her mind without getting in trouble, which mean she does not have freedom.

Furthermore, Sibonia acts how she likes and does not care about other people’s opinion on her actions. In the novel, the main character Onion goes outside to try to find his friend and is confronted by Sibonia. Sibonia knows he is “higher up” than her and throws mud balls at him. Onion explains, “That crazy fool woman scooped up another handful of mud by the time I looked, and throwed that in my face” (McBride 161). Sibonia knows Onion can tell the master and get her in trouble, “Miss Abby would flog her righteous if I was to tell it” (McBride 161). She knows her consequences but pays no attention to them and throws her mud balls anyway. Sibonia will take actions for herself, giving herself the right to freedom. Additionally, another part of having freedom is the ability to take the actions one wants. As a result, sibonia is more free because she has this capability.

Meanwhile, Pie has to follow everything Miss Abby tells her to do because she is too afraid to lose her position. Pie has to cover up other people’s action, not even her own, in order to not get in trouble. For example, Onion accidently rips Miss Abby’s scarf and Pie has to pay for that action. Pie worriedly said, “Ill fix it. I’ll pay for the scarf” (McBride 149). Pie does not even get the chance to do what she wants because she has to pay for other people’s mistakes, like paying for the ripped scarf. Hence, Pie suffers for others mistakes, not even getting a chance to make her own, which makes her unattainable to freedom.

Lastly, Sibonia is not ashamed of who she is; she understands she is a slave and wants better for herself. For example, she tries to escape slavery instead of accepting it and staying where she is at in life. Sibonia uses her cunning skills to talk Onion into writing her something. She states, “If I was to tell you about your Bob, would you write me something? Like a pass? Or Bill of State? (McBride 165). Stating this shows how cunning and smart Sibonia really is. Sibonia knows this will get her out of where she is and to something better because she knows she deserves better. This is what makes her free, she does not accept the fate she is handed, she tries for better. Also, she has an opportunity to escape and create this better life for herself that she so rightfully deserves. As a result, Sibonia has more freedom because she will not settle for being a slave.

 However, Pie does the exact opposite; she pretends to be a whore in order to keep her higher slave ranking. Her higher ranking includes living in a house, getting her own room, good meals, and authority in Miss Abby’s house. Even if she wanted to escape she could not because too many people have slept with her and would recognize her on the streets. Readers can see this when Pie states, “Even with a pass, too many people ‘round here know me. Still, it’d be nice to pass the time reading dime books like the other girls” (McBride 155). Pie shows signs of resentment to other girls because they are who she wishes to be and does not have enough courage to become. Pie wants to be able to read, go outside and walk around, and not have sex with every guy that walks in; just like every other normal girl. Unfortunately, Pie accepts these circumstances and has no chance of escaping without getting caught. Therefore, she is less free because she will always be stuck in the whore house with no hopes of a better future.

Overall, Sibonia may have less opportunities and much more hardships but she definitely has more freedom over Pie. Sibonia has to live outside whether its raining or freezing, has to do hard labor work, and sleeps on the ground. However, Sibonia is free-spirited by her attitude towards life which leads her to have the freedom of speaking her mind and taking the actions she decides. Unfortunately, Pie has more privileges but cannot say something without punishment, pays for other people’s consequences, and can never escape. Thus, even though both are slaves, Sibonia has more freedom. This goes to show that even slaves can have freedom if they believe they are worth more than everyone exclaims.                   

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Works Cited

 

McBride, James. The Good Lord Bird. New York: Riverhead, 2013. Print.